186: The Self-Empowered Woman: Edna O'Brien

Dear Followers,

Often when I lecture about The Self-Empowered Woman, listeners are intrigued by Edna O'Brien's life story (Chapter 17). Her latest book, Country Girl (Little, Brown & Company, $27.99, 357 pp)  is her first memoir, and a riveting tale of the challenges she faced on her way to becoming a literary icon.

O'Brien was born in County Clare (in a town that had no library, three groceries and 27 pubs) in the West of Ireland in 1930. Her mother had been a maid, and her father was a farmer who not only drank, but gambled as well (1: No Paternal Safety Net). Her family (like most of the people in the area) were devout Catholics--in her words, she came from "a strict, religious family". During her "suffocating" childhood she was educated by the Sisters of Mercy in Galway (3: Belief in The Unbelievable).

After graduation, she moved to Dublin and worked in a drugstore while studying at night at the local pharmaceutical college. During this time she discovered Tolstoy, Thackeray and T. S. Elliot's book Introducing James Joyce, which changed her life. Even though she worked as a pharmaceutical apprentice for four years, she had already made up her mind that  reading and writing would define her life (7: Magnificent Obsession).

Her first open act of rebellion was when she ran off with a much-older  (married) writer named Ernest Gebler. They were pursued by her father, her brother, two policemen and a Cistercian Abbot, but eventually got married anyway. The marriage lasted ten years and gave her two sons, but when she completed her first novel (The Country Girls) in only three weeks, her husband was furious. He told her "You can write and I will never forgive you." Their divorce turned out to be an epic battle (15: Forget About Prince Charming). 

As her writing became more acclaimed, she was forced to fight for custody of her two sons because O'Brien's husband falsely accused her of "abandonment."  Both boys asked the court to allow them to live with their mother instead of with Gebler, and the judge agreed (16: Intensive Motherhood).

Seduced by the power of words, O'Brien worked in London as a reader for the publishing company Hutchinson. At that time she read James Joyce's A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, which helped her understand "where she might turn, should she want to write herself." Even though she was only "a reader," her reports were good enough to motivate the company to commission her--for 50 pounds--to write a novel (13: More Than Meets the Eye).

O'Brien made three major escapes in her life: From the restrictive rules of the Catholic Church, from small-town Ireland to London in the Swinging 60's, and from a tyrannical husband into a life of fame and flirtation (14: Selective Disassociation). 

A prolific writer, O'Brien has always had loyal fans, as well as harsh critics. Most of her writing, like her first novel (which was published in 1960), was considered too sexually graphic. It was burned in some places, banned from the pulpit and the postmistress of her hometown of County Clare felt that "the author of such filth should be kicked naked through the streets" (5: Life Is Not A Popularity Contest).

O'Brien received her first writing honor (The Kingsley Amis Award) in 1962, and her most recent was the Frank O'Connor International short story award in 2011. She has written successful novels, plays, poems and short stories, as well as her memoir. From the Irish PEN Award to the Writers' Guild Award and the European Prize for Literature, there is no doubt that the once-underestimated (and often disdained) daughter whose parents were "allergic to literature" has truly reached--at 82--the pinnacle of her profession.

Looking forward to your comments...

185: The Self-Empowered Woman: Race to Erase MS

  

Dear Followers,

 

Lisa Vanderpump

 

Nancy Davis



     

Teri Garr







A million apologies for neglecting this blog for over a month. Instead of excuses, I'll just give you an explanation--the entire month of May has been consumed with festivities. But now that Tony's birthday has come and gone--and our suitcases are finally unpacked--I can explain why I wasn't able to focus on the blog the way I'd like to.



In April, I wrote an article for The Palm Beach Post about Annette Funicello’s death from MS, and my own long-term wrestling match with this challenging disease. Then, only three weeks later (thanks to my generous friend Tom Safran) I was lucky enough to be invited to attend the Rolls Royce of fundraising events, the Race to Erase MS gala in Beverly Hills.



Naturally, I was thrilled to "go back home," and have the chance to reconnect with former work colleagues as well as friends from both high school and UCLA. There were happy reunions, fabulous meals and perfect weather (even the traffic seemed good), but the red-letter event was the glamorous MS fundraiser.



This year’s event, “Love to Erase MS,” honored Jack Osbourne—who was diagnosed last year—and his mother, Sharon. I was amazed when multi-platinum singer Taio Cruz gave the kind of performance that is usually reserved for packed stadiums rather than hotel ballrooms, and then Sir Elton John sang his classic hits for close to a full hour. He told the audience that he was at the benefit to support the cause, but also because “Sharon [Osbourne] has so much information on me that I simply couldn’t say no.” He also paid tribute to her strength as a mother with a child who has been given an unwelcome diagnosis by saying, “She’s a fighter, a survivor, a crusader and a great mom.”



When I managed to speak with Jack’s mom (who is one of the stars on “The Talk”) she told me, “I honestly can’t find the words to express how overwhelmed I am by all the support we have received since learning of Jack’s diagnosis. One of the first people I called was Nancy because I knew she would lead us in the right direction—and she did. And when you look around at all the people who are supporting this cause, you just know that a cure is in sight.”

California philanthropist Nancy Mills was diagnosed with MS in 1993, and ever since then she has been working tirelessly to raise research money with the goal of curing, and ultimately eliminating, MS. About 90% of the money she raises from her star-studded events supports research conducted by America’s top MS doctors, and so far, she has raised over $23 million. Thanks to her efforts nine new drugs are now available for MS patients.



The Century Plaza ballroom was overflowing with so many household-name celebrities that I could hardly keep track of them. The red-carpet press corps unleashed a firestorm of flashbulbs at the famous attendees, who included (among others) Catherine Bell (the “Army Wives” star’s stepmother has MS), Daisy Fuentes, Camille Grammer (she told me that this was her 13th Race to Erase event), Anne Heche, Tommy Hilfiger, La Toya Jackson, Kellie Pickler, Lisa Rinna, Ray Romano, Cybill Shepard, Rod Stewart and Bruno Tonioli. Not to mention Kyle Richards and Lisa Vanderpump of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There were hundreds of attendees at the star-studded event, but I only counted five other wheelchairs.

I was seated at the same table with Oscar-nominated “Tootsie” actress Teri Garr, who was diagnosed with MS 15 years after I was. Side by side in our wheelchairs, at a table with a huge centerpiece of orange roses, we discussed her book “Speedbumps: Flooring It Through Hollywood.” Well known for her lively sense of humor, she told me that she had wanted to title it “Does This Wheelchair Make Me Look Fat?” Her illness-phobic publisher, however, evidently nixed that idea.

Now that I’m back home, the glitz and glamour of a Hollywood MS gala already seems like a page ripped out of a fairytale. But I—like thousands of others—believe that MS will one day be eliminated. It’s the medical dream we just know in our hearts will one day soon come true. And the $1.8 million raised at the May 4th gala brings that dream just a little bit closer to reality.

Looking forward to your comments...

184: The Self Empowered Woman: Pat Summitt

Dear Followers,



Everyone knows that I love to spread the word about interesting women who have chosen to live high-achieving lives, and today's profile is of a truly remarkable Self-Empowered Woman. For 38 years, Pat Summitt was the woman's basketball coach for the University of Tennessee, and is considered by many to be the most successful coach in N.C.A.A. history. She has had 1,098 career victories and has won eight national championships. In addition to her basketball honors, she was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom (the nation's highest civilian honor).

Now known as the head coach emeritus of the University of Tennessee Lady Volunteer basketball team, Summitt was born Patricia Sue Head in Clarksville, Tennessee on June 14th, 1952. Growing up, the only day her family didn't work was on Sunday because that's when they attended Mt. Carmel United Methodist Church. Her family (and her father's family) had been members for over 50 years; "We were taught that you didn't talk about faith; you showed it through kindness to neighbors, and humility, the recognition that none of us was more valuable than another" (3: Belief in the Unbelievable).


She grew up with four brothers and a younger sister, and her strong work ethic came from all the hard work they did on the farm growing up. They had cows that had to be milked seven days a week, at five am and again in the evening. They grew all their own vegetables in a huge garden, and as she put it, "There was never a day without some heavy lifting.  We got off the school bus and went right into the fields, or vegetable rows, or the barns. Some days I might plow... My father would tell us what our job was and then walk away to his own chores. He expected us to get it done without wasting time by standing over us. The was no balking, or dragging, and you knew better than to whine."

Summitt won a silver medal in the Montreal Olympic Games even though she was told that she'd never make the team because she was too out of shape and overweight. Just hearing the word "No" sent her into overdrive and she trained five or six hours each day, ran several miles each morning, played in pick up games with men, lost 27 pounds, and was in the best shape of her life when it was time to compete in the USA Trials (8: Turning No Into Yes).

Obviously, basketball--both as a player and as a coach--has played a major role in Summitt's life. In her words, "It was my life, my home, and my family, and the players were the second-deepest love of my life... Coaching isn't social work, but it's more than just a game--it's a heartfelt vocation, in which you are powerfully bonded to students who need you" (7: Magnificent Obsession).

While Summitt varied her "look" from the sidelines over the years (everything from Laura Ashley puffy-sleeved dresses to pants suits with neckties), her appearance had been "unusual" since childhood. By the fifth grade she was 5' 9", by the age of 15 she was 5' 11", and she was so skinny that her nickname was "bone" (6: Life is Not a Beauty Pageant).

Hard as it is to believe, when Summitt began coaching, girls' basketball in Tennessee's middle and high schools consisted of half-court games (Oklahoma, Texas, New York, and Iowa were the only other states that felt full-court games would be to strenuous). Because she worked hard to overturn the rule, she was deeply unpopular with people who felt there was no need to adhere to the "weak and awkward girls" rationale. Throughout her career--both with her players and other coaches--Summitt never worried about what other people thought about her (5: Life Is Not a Popularity Contest).

In 1980, she married R.V. Summitt, but the two divorced in 2007 (15: Forget About Prince Charming). Their child, however--Ross Tyler Summitt who was born in 1990--truly became the love of her life. She had suffered four previous miscarriages, and he became not only the focus of her life, but a popular fixture at all of her games and practices. (16: Intensive Motherhood).

In August 2011, Pat Summitt announced that three months earlier she had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's Disease. As a result, she was forced to turn over coaching duties and reluctantly accept retirement. In her words "The only way to deal with trouble of this magnitude was to face it--and admit to the fact that I would need a lot of help. It wasn't easy to reverse roles, to admit that I was struggling and need care. Surrender didn't come naturally to me, and neither did vulnerability" (12: Hard Times)

Pat Summitt was named number eleven on "Sporting News" 50 Greatest Coaches of All Time, and was the only woman on the list. In her 38 year career, she never had a losing season. And she is the only coach to have won a silver medal as an Olympic team member, and a gold medal as a team coach.  And as if that weren't enough, her third book "Sum It Up" is the number one non-fiction book on the New York Times best seller list!

Looking forward to your comments...

183: The Self-Empowered Woman: Mousketeer

Dear Followers,

An article I wrote in connection with Annette Funicello's death appeared in yesterday's Palm Beach Post newspaper. Since most of you know about my decades-long wrestling match with MS, I thought I'd share this with you:

The Mousketeer with MS

When I heard that 70 year old Annette Funicello had died on Monday, I was—like millions of her fans—saddened. But because I suffer from the same disease (Chronic Progressive Multiple Sclerosis), I was also scared by the news of her passing.

Like her, I lived in L.A. when (three years before she was diagnosed) I received the frightening news that I had MS, and needed to get my “affairs in order and plan for the future.” But (perhaps because I ignored the advice of neurologists and refused all medication?) I have managed to coexist with this disease without losing either the ability to communicate or to enjoy life.  Click this link to watch a brief Canadian video about the former Mouseketeer http://www.ctvnews.ca/w5/annette-funicello-her-life-with-multiple-sclerosis-1.984202

As you watch the completely paralyzed woman who was the Miley and the Britney of the Baby Boomer generation (she recorded 19 albums and made 19 movies), it’s impossible to believe that she was once celebrated all across America for her energetic beauty.

Over 400,000 Americans have MS (Multiple Sclerosis is named after the “many scars” or lesions that affect brain tissue and/or the spinal column). And because those lesions can show up in a wide variety of places, each case of the disease tends to be unique unto itself.

Some people retain motor skills and the use of their arms and legs, but lose their vision and/or the ability to speak. My diagnosis came in 1984, I’ve been wheelchair dependent since 1990, and although my voice and vision are strong, the only parts of my body I can move at will are my left arm and hand.

Like Funicello, I also have a loving (extremely patient) husband who doesn’t mind the expense and inconvenience of having a dependent and disabled spouse. Not all MS patients are so lucky…

Although I never interviewed Annette Funicello, my earlier (i.e., healthy days when I could walk and type) career allowed me to meet scores of entertainment celebrities. Without exception, Hollywood insiders have said for years that she was as beautiful on the inside as on the outside. And an inspiring example of her kind nature was that—in the midst of her decline and discomfort—she established the Annette Funicello Research Fund for Neurological Diseases to help finance research into the cause, treatment and cure of MS and similar diseases.

Now that she is gone, I refuse to remember her as the unrecognizable disease-ravaged woman who was dependent upon round-the-clock care. To me, it is unspeakably sad that only after receiving CCSVI vascular angioplasty could she even manage to blink her eyes in order to communicate on command.

As a fellow unwilling MS warrior, I choose to remember her smile, her sweetness, and her insistence that “My life has always been filled with happiness.”

Looking forward to your comments...

182: The Self-Empowered Woman: Stevie Nicks

Dear Followers,

Like most baby boomers, I spent years enjoying the music of Fleetwood Mac, especially the vocals of Stevie Nicks (like me, a child of the Southwest but a true California Girl). So when I saw her episode on Oprah's Master Class, I was sure that she more than qualified for inclusion as a Self-Empowered Woman, albeit a complicated one--hope you agree!

Stephanie Lynn Nicks was born on May 26th, 1948 in Phoenix, Arizona, and during her childhood lived in Albuquerque, El Paso, Salt Lake City, San Francisco and Los Angeles. Her mother was a homemaker and her father was a corporate executive who (like mine) was frequently transferred from one town to the next. Her paternal grandfather, Jess Nicks, had been a struggling country music singer, and he taught Stevie how to sing duets with him by the time she was four years old (2: An Early Sense Of Direction).

For her 16th birthday she received a Goya guitar, and wrote her first song "I've Loved and I've Lost, and I'm Sad But Not Blue." During her adolescence she continuously played Janis Joplin records and lived in her "own little musical world." While attending Arcadia High School in Arcadia, California she joined her first band (9: Music).

Stevie met Lindsey Buckingham during her senior year at Menlo Atherton High School at a party where he was playing "California Dreamin" and she sang harmony with him. Several years later he contacted her to join his band Fritz, which would later be an opening act for Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin--two stars who inspired Stevie's on-stage intensity. Both Nicks and Buckingham were attending San Jose State University: she was majoring in speech communication, and planned to become an English Teacher. But in 1968, they dropped out of school and moved to LA in hopes of launching their music career. At this point, her family cut off their financial support, and she worked for several years as a waitress (14: Risk Addiction).

In 1973, the couple released their first album, "Buckingham Nicks," but it was not a commercial success. The next few years were challenging because Lindsey found work playing the guitar in Colorado for the Everly Brothers, and Stevie was left behind doing menial work. It was during this time that she wrote "Landslide," which was about both her turmoil regarding their relationship and her longing for a musical career (to date, it has over three million airplays). By 1975, they were back in California and had joined forces with Fleetwood Mac, primarily because Stevie was tired of waitressing. Her hunch was right and the "Fleetwood Mac" album became a huge hit (8: Turning No Into Yes).

By this time the band had become regular cocaine users, and Stevie and Lindsey ended their personal relationship even though they were in the same band (15: Forget About Prince Charming). During that time  Stevie began a romantic relationship with Mick Fleetwood, which caused conflict within the band. Much of the 80's, while professionally successful, was clouded in heavy cocaine use. In 1986, a plastic surgeon warned Stevie that her nose was so damaged from cocaine that "The next time you do a hit of cocaine, you could drop dead."

Stevie checked into the Betty Ford Center for 30 days to overcome her addiction, but a psychiatrist in LA prescribed the sedative Klonopin (with the objective of helping her remain cocaine free). Her struggles with Klonopin turned out to be even worse, because (from 1987 through 1994) the psychiatrist frequently increased the dosage. Eventually, she became so addled by the drug that she admitted to having absolutely "no memory" of her 1989 US/Europe tour. Ultimately, she became so ill that she required a 47-day hospital stint (12: Hard Times).  

While some critics have labelled her on-stage persona (black clothes, gothic gloves, etc.) as an indication that she is a witch or involved in Wicca, she refutes this. Although not belonging to any particular faith, she told Redbook magazine that she believes in Angels and knows that she is alive today because "there was a god" looking out for her during her years of addiction (3: Belief In the Unbelievable).

In 1992, Bill Clinton used the Fleetwood Mac hit "Don't Stop" as his campaign theme song, and Stevie joined the band to perform it at Clinton's 1993 Inaugural Gala. At the time, she was severely criticised for her weight gain (which she blamed on the Klonopin); at 5 foot 1 inch she weighed 175 pounds (6: Life is Not A Beauty Pageant).

Even though she has become a music legend (over forty Top 50 hits, as well as over 140 million albums sold), and named "The Reigning Queen of Rock and Roll" and one of the "100 Greatest Singers Of All Time" by Rolling Stone, Stevie decided to stretch even farther. She decided to work in front of the camera by appearing on the TV shows "Glee" and "Up All Night" (13: More Than Meets The Eye).

  

Stevie's only brush with marriage and motherhood came when she had a very brief marriage to the widower of her best friend, Robin, who had died of leukemia. Stevie was determined to take care of Robin's son, Matthew, but soon realized it was a misguided step. Matthew remained in her life, and she put him through college. She has several godchildren, nieces and a nephew, and has said "I have lots of kids. It's much more fun to be the crazy auntie than it is to be the mom, anyway." She made a conscious choice not to be married or have children because that sort of commitment would interfere with her demanding career. Her choice was to follow her art wherever it might take her. "My mission maybe wasn't to be a mom and a wife; maybe my particular mission was to write songs to make moms and wives feel better" (7: Magnificent Obsession).

In addition to her Fleetwood Mac tours, she has also made 14 single tours as well. In 1998, she was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and as a solo artist has received eight Grammy Award nominations (plus another five as a member of Fleetwood Mac.) 

Looking forward to your comments...

181: The Self Empowered Woman: Cindy Crawford

Dear Followers,



As many of you may remember from reading about Tyra Banks in The Self-Empowered Woman, oftentimes a pretty face is a great deal more than just another pretty face. Case in point, Cindy Crawford, who at 47 has become an international household name.

Born in DeKalb, Illinois on February 20, 1966, she grew up in a family with her two sisters and a younger brother, Jeff. When Crawford was ten years old her little brother died of leukemia, and his death had a profound effect on everyone in the family. By the time she was a teenager her parents had divorced (1: No Paternal Safety Net).

When in high school, Crawford had a summer job of detasseling corn, and was "discovered" by a newspaper photographer who took a picture of her. At age 16 she decided to begin modeling (2: An Early Sense of Direction), and the next year was runner-up in the Elite Model Management's Look of the Year contest. Soon after, she signed with the Elite Agency in Chicago.

She graduated from high school as valedictorian in 1984 (10: The Critic Within), and won an academic scholarship to study chemical engineering at Northwestern University. When she entered a large science class lecture hall, the professor said, "Honey, this is the wrong room," and she never forgot how annoying it was to have someone think she couldn't be smart simply because she happened to be attractive (13: More Than Meets The Eye).

Realizing that she couldn't juggle both modeling and academics, Crawford dropped out of school to become a full-time model. Chicago photographer Victor Skrebneski became her mentor, and she credits him with teaching her what she needed to know to become successful in front of the camera (4: Supportive Someone). Three years later, she had the opportunity to go to Bali on a ten-day job, but Skrebneski insisted that she not work with other photographers because only he "could make her look good." When she disagreed with him, he warned her that if she left he would never work with her again, but in spite of his threats she accepted the Bali job and ended their professional partnership. (14: Selective Disassociation). The rest is history, and in 1995 Forbes magazine named her the highest paid model on the planet.

From 1991 to 1995 Crawford was married to Richard Gere, who was 17 years her senior. She credits him as being one of the most influential people in her life even though their marriage was a short one (15: Forget About Prince Charming). Since 1998 she has been married to Rande Gerber; they have a thirteen year old son, Walker, and an eleven year old daughter (16: Intensive Motherhood).

In addition to her modeling work, Crawford has been active on TV and in films. She has also launched a line of furniture and home goods, as well as a line of skin care products called Meaningful Beauty. These ventures have been successful even though she has no formal training in any of those fields (11: Risk Addiction).

Jeff's death as a little boy was devastating to Cindy's entire family (12: Hard Times), but she seems to have been particularly touched by his illness. She even told Oprah that his passing, in her mind, had been like a rocket booster to help guide her toward her success. For years she has worked hard to raise money for medical research and to support the pediatric oncology program at the University of Wisconsin--Madison, where Jeff was treated (7: Magnificent Obsession).

Looking forward to your comments...

180: The Self-Empowered Woman: Mystique/Lean

Dear Followers,

 

Welcome to Women’s History Month!

For today’s post, instead of introducing you to a historical woman who was a real trailblazer, I’d like to highlight two important books—published almost exactly 50 years apart—that symbolize the progress women in America have made over the past half century.

The first book, which has just been republished with an introduction by Anna Quindlen, was credited with starting second-wave feminism. The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan (who died in 2006), addressed the simmering unhappiness felt by suburban housewives across the country in the in the late 1950’s and early 1960’s. Friedan, who had given up a prestigious Ph.D fellowship in psychology because her boyfriend felt that it would “threaten their relationship,” spent years in the New York Public Library researching Freud, Maslow, Margaret Mead and David Riesman in order to better understand (and skewer) the myth of “the happy housewife.” She also examined the pervasive messages in women’s magazines (both editorial and advertising), which urged women to center their lives around their husbands and children while simultaneously scolding them for their failure to be flawless.

Friedan focused on what was then called "the problem that has no name," which was the unhappiness and sense of unease that many suburban housewives felt in post-World War II America. Without doubt, her book galvanized women and has been considered essential reading for any student of women's issues. Friedan worked for a short while as a reporter for radical newspapers, and even had a file with the F.B.I. She had critics from almost every walk of life, but there can be no denying that The Feminine Mystique changed the way millions of women regarded their life choices.

The second book, which was just recently published, is Lean In by 38 year old Sheryl Sandberg. She is the wildly successful COO of Facebook, who has two degrees from Harvard and at age 29 was Chief of Staff at The U.S. Treasury. Every year since 2007, she has been included in Fortune magazine's list of the 50 most powerful women. In other words, she is the type of woman who simply didn't exist back when Betty Friedan published her controversial book in 1963--when women couldn't even gain admission to Harvard.

Like Friedan, Sandberg is receiving a great deal of criticism for her book because it suggests that women need to be more proactive when it comes to creating an effective professional life. Her book began when she delivered a 2010 speech at a TED conference, and was also influenced by speeches she delivered at Barnard and Harvard Business School. Sandberg makes suggestions to her readers like, "You will never know what you are capable of unless you try," and "Don't let your fears overwhelm your desire."

In today's world, it's important to remember that 70 percent of women with children in the U.S. have jobs outside the home and that for the past 30 years more women have earned college degrees than men. In light of those two statistics, it doesn't make sense to her that women still earn only about 77c for every dollar earned by a man. She argues that "We deserve equal pay, we deserve an equal voice, and we deserve to sit at any table we want to sit at."

These two books--from totally different authors--are thought provoking and "revolutionary" in their own separate ways. It's helpful for us to look at what life was like before women had any economic clout, and it's also useful to hear ideas about how to best capitalize on our careers.

Looking forward to your comments...